The IZ Horror Picture Show
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: [rating has gone up] Dib and Gaz get lost on the way to a paranormal convention one stormy night, and have to take refuge with some hedonistic aliens... [AU, multiple slash and het pairings]
1. Darn It, Gaz!

By animeninjaNIPPON

I don't know what I was on when I came up with this…Yeah. Maybe I just posted it to piss off the anti-slashers, but whatever the reason, here it is: an Invader Zim parody of the Rocky Horror Picture Show with some details changed (no swearing or songs, but I did leave some of the "other stuff'" in). I dunno if this has been done before (nor do I particularly care), but this is just something I came up with last skool year.

READER, BE WARNED: This story contains hints of several slash and het pairings, including ZADR, ZAGR, RAPR, and TAPR (no, that's not a typo). No incest, though; that's not my thing.

I don't own IZ or RHPS, and I'm not Jhonen so…wait. Unlike my other Invader Zim fics, this one IS somewhat OOC in the beginning, but there is a reason for that. Also, I guess you could consider this alternate universe. Well, this is just something that fell out of my brain, so if you don't like, don't read. Otherwise, enjoy!

* * *

Skool was finally out for the summer. After 30 years of protest handed down from generation to generation, the skool finally caved in and let students take the rest of August off.

"Just in time, too," Dib pointed out. "The Paranormal Convention starts tomorrow. I have so many things to exhibit there…"

"I don't want to go to your stupid convention," Gaz complained.

"You have to. Dad's got a meeting here and already said I could go to PaNoCon by myself. But I can't leave you alone."

"I'll be better off by myself." She glared at Dib with one wicked eye. "If you know what's good for you, you'll see it my way."

"Darn it, Gaz!" Dib whined. He sighed, then said, "You know that new cel-shaded zombie horror game that you had to order last June to guarantee that you'd get a copy?"

"_Zombie Swine: The Collector's Edition'_? What of it?"

Dib sighed and lowered his head. "My closet, left side, third shelf from the top. I was saving it for your birthday, but I'll get you something better." There was a loud, splintering crash and the sound of broken glass, but by the time Dib looked up again Gaz was standing in front of him, gingerly holding the game.

"OK," she agreed, "but you have to get me the sequel director's cut for my birthday."

"Deal."

Gaz ripped the box apart, took out the cartridge inside, and ran into her room.

"PaNoCon will be worth it," Dib convinced himself as he went to his room to prepare for the trip.

An hour later, a taxi came to whisk Dib and Gaz away to PaNoCon. As Dib was leaving, Professor Membrane pulled him back for one final word.

"Son, I'm using your room to host the PowerPoint presentation," Professor Membrane announced. "I hope you don't mind."

"Uh, no Dad, that's fine," Dib assured his father as if he had a choice.

"I knew I could count on you." He gave his son a pat on the back. "Now have fun, you two!"

They got into the taxi with their belongings and rode off toward their destination.

End of part one


	2. In the Middle of the Night

By animeninjaNIPPON

An hour into their trip, Dib and Gaz began to get bored. The sky was already a deep midnight blue, and they still had a half-hour to travel. Dib yawned and gazed out the window. It seemed as though they were traveling through the middle of nowhere. Of course, to Dib, everywhere was the middle of nowhere – the whole world had become mundane to him since Zim had gone back to Irk a month ago. Dib was a little disappointed when the alien blasted off into space without leaving so much as a foreign data chip, but all in all, the Earth was safe. Boring, but safe…

Gaz had already fallen asleep in her seat, slumped against the door with a little drool spilling onto the armrest. She stirred softly and muttered something about zombie swine, to which Dib gave a little smile before turning his head back to the window.

It was raining outside. The water droplets hitting the windshield combined to create a soothing lullaby that threatened to send Dib off to Dreamland after his sister. He yawned again. Well, it was pretty late…

An abrupt jolt shook Dib out of his trance and the screeching of tires going against the grain of asphalt woke Gaz up. There was a blinding flash of lightning, then everyone in the taxi screamed at the top of their lungs as the doomed cab skidded off the road and collided with a tree…

Some fifteen minutes later, Dib found himself lying face-down in a puddle of mud. He got up, wiped off his face and glasses, and set off to look for the rest of his company.

"Gaz? Where are you?" he called out. The taxi – neither remains nor driver – was nowhere to be found. "Gaz? Taxi driver? Anyone?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Gaz barked. She wasn't pleased with the unexpected change in events, especially since she didn't want to go to PaNoCon in the first place. "Where's the cab?"

"I don't know… It's like it disappeared or something."

Another flash of light revealed a large white mansion in the darkness. Gaz walked toward it slowly, making squishing sounds in the mud as she trudged on.

"Wait!" Dib cried. "Where are you going?"

"To find a phone," she answered coldly. Dib reluctantly followed her toward the mansion. When they reached the steps, the door creaked open to reveal the silhouette of a tall, thin figure. "The Master has been expecting you," it said, opening the door wider to let the rain-soaked duo inside.

Dib went in first, followed by Gaz. The inside of the mansion was a sharp contrast to the darkness of the storm outside, and Dib's eyes had trouble adjusting to the bright, hospital-like lights. He was blindly torn away from his sister's side and shoved into the myriads of friendly, welcoming arms before him…

End of part two


	3. Time Warp

By animeninjaNIPPON

When Dib's eyes finally adjusted to the white light, he realized that his wet, soggy clothes had been replaced by black boxers and a matching spandex tank top. "GAAH! Where are my clothes?" He threw his arms over his body in a futile attempt to cover himself.

"You won't need those here," assured the figure who had opened the door, now revealed to be Tallest Red.

"Hey," Dib cried, "You're an alien!"

"Yes, yes," Red replied evasively, shoving Dib forward. "We ALL come from elsewhere…"

Tallest Purple arrived out of nowhere, presenting Gaz. Dib took one look at his sister and was scarred for life. She, too, was decked out in undergarments: a black corset, a sheer black half-slip, and black fishnet stockings held up by a semi-visible purple garter belt. She gave her brother a menacing glare that said, "You'll die soon."

"What in the name of paranormal research is going on?" Dib demanded, stomping forward.

"A celebration of the supernatural!" Purple announced. At that, a million strange-yet-familiar faces poured into view, dancing as if there was no tomorrow.

"Look." Dib clenched his fists next to his sides as he approached Red. "My sister and I were on our way to PaNoCon, but our cab sped off the road and crashed. I need to borrow your telephone."

"What is this 'telephone'?" Red turned to Purple. "Have you ever heard of this 'telephone' thingy?"

"AAH! You're making me INSANE!" Dib grabbed both sides of his head as if it were about to explode.

"Wrong," replied an effeminate voice behind him. "It's the pelvic thrust that really drives them insane!" Without another word, Dib was knocked forward to the ground.

He rose to his knees and jerked his head in the direction his assault had come from. The culprit was a dark-haired girl in a purple-and-black striped uniform. "Tak?"

She merely laughed as her image flickered to reveal her true form – a green-skinned, purple-eyed alien. "That is I."

"How'd you get here?" Dib asked, standing up.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tak's amethyst eyes were redirected up the length of the red carpet that spread forth into an elaborate throne. The room dimmed and a single spotlight beamed down onto the throne, revealing its shrouded master.

It was Invader Zim.

End of part three


	4. Sweet Irken

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Zim!" Dib yelled in shock. "I thought you returned to your home planet!"

"Do I know you, stinkbeast?" Zim asked casually. "You speak as though we've MET before."

"I'm the one who foiled your mission! I caused you to retreat back to the place from which you came…" Dib rethought that sentence and realized that his conversation with his former foe was going nowhere.

"Who, me?" He widened his eyes innocuously. "I'm just a sweet Irken from planet Irk."

Gaz pushed Dib aside (rather violently) and jumped forward, causing Tak to recoil. "We are LOST, and we need to phone a taxi so we can get HOME!"

"We're going to PaNoCon," Dib corrected from the floor.

Zim studied Gaz carefully as he stroked his chin. "Why the hurry to leave, HUMAN? You'll MISS the UNVEILING!"

"Unveiling?" Dib repeated, rising to his feet. "Of what? Your newest plan to take over the world?"

"Yeees…" Zim smiled evilly. "Will you not stay and watch?"

Dib glanced up at the green monarch, exhaling slowly. "I suppose. But just for tonight."

"Anything's better than that STUPID convention," Gaz spat, crossing her arms over her chest.

"YES!" Zim stood up on his throne and shot his fists into the air. "Then let the celebrating COMMENCE!"

The Irken crowd cheered and hollered with excitement until Zim held out his palm and silenced them. "But first…we must have the NAMES of our guests!"

"But Zim, you know our names!" Dib protested.

"LIAR!" Zim pointed a finger at the boy in black underwear. "Reveal your NAME!"

"I'm Dib." He turned and pointed to Gaz, who still had her arms crossed. "That's my sister, Gaz."

"How-do-you-do," she mumbled with a monotone.

"DIB. GAZ." Zim reiterated each name with slight disgust. "You are to bear witness to the UNVEILING of my newest CREATION!"

"Cue the music!" Tak screeched. Red flicked a switch and music began to play, accompanied by the falling of balloons and confetti.

"What are we going to do?" Dib asked.

"Don't ask me." Gaz remained solemn with her arms still crossed over her chest.

End of part four


	5. Dancing

By animeninjaNIPPON

Red and Purple spiraled past the motionless humans in a sweeping slow dance. Gaz pretended not to care, but she was gradually growing nervous as alien dancers brushed closer and closer to her, and her arms were going numb from being stuck in one position for too long. Normally, she would have beaten the tar out of anyone who opposed her, or at least scared them silly, but the new environment somehow made her feel intimidated.

Dib, on the other hand, was angry – he was missing the paranormal convention, his clothes were gone, and he had come face-to-face with one who appeared to be his arch nemesis. As Zim and Tak swirled about the dance floor in a slight embrace, Dib caught the former by the shoulder. They slowed to a stop and separated.

"Wait just a darn minute," Dib demanded. "What is the meaning of all this…stupidity?"

"Are you CRITICIZING the lifestyle you so DESPERATELY want as your own?" Zim narrowed his scarlet eyes at the boy.

"What are you talking about, Zim? Why are you acting like this?" Dib threw his hands out on each side.

"I KNOW how you humans work, Dib-monkey." Zim placed a gloved hand on Dib's scarcely-covered shoulder and walked two fingers across the anxious human's collarbone. "Your ONLY purpose for living is to INDULGE in a life of FANTASY!" He slowly removed his hand from Dib's collar to place it on Tak's shoulder and gently pushed her forward. "Have a DANCE, will you NOT?" With a crazy chuckle, he walked away.

Tak moved forward hypnotically and grabbed both of Dib's wrists. "Soon you'll see it our way." She gave her own brand of evil cackling. Dib winced, catching a glimpse of Zim moving in on Gaz. Surprisingly, she didn't lash out or step back – she just stood there, slowly unfolding her arms and accepting Zim as her partner. Dib figured she was only doing it in retaliation for him making her go to PaNoCon, but still…

The lights came on at once, blinding Dib. A faster, upbeat song started and he was swung around by his she-Irken dance partner. Everything was a blur…the music pulsated on…the purple-and-green apparition of Tak swirled around and around…it was all surreal.

At one point in the song, Zim picked up Gaz by the waist and tossed her into the air. She gasped in shock, but landed safely on her feet. She took Zim's hand and together they danced up to the throne. At that moment, a clock chimed twelve times.

"It is TIIIME!" Zim announced. The merriment ceased, and Dib fell to the floor, as dizzy as humanly possible. Red turned down the lights as all eyes focused to the left, where a large glass tank shrouded in blue velvet stood in the spotlight. "BEHOLD, my CREATION!" Numerous neon lights went on in the background. "Arise, GIR!"

End of part five


	6. In Just Seven Days

By animeninjaNIPPON

A small, silver robot with baby blue eyes emerged from the tank. He took one look at his infatuated audience, screamed, and dove back into the folds of velvet.

"He may be shy now," Zim stated, "but in just SEVEN DAYS…" He clenched his fists in childlike relish. "…I will make him a man."

"Do you mean you'll make him into a man, or you'll make a man for him?" Dib inquired, pushing his way to the front of the crowd.

"In just SEVEN DAYS…" Zim hopped over to the tank and called out in a sing-songy voice, "Oh GI-IR…"

Gir popped his head out of his hiding place.

"Didn't he used to talk?..." Dib remembered some interesting (if pointless) conversations he'd had before with Zim's metal minion, back in what now seemed like a former life. Arguing with Zim was futile, though.

"Gir," Zim continued, "look at all these people." He gestured to the crowd. "They've COME to celebrate your BIRTHDAY!"

The little robot smiled and waved. Someone in the crowd inhaled sharply with awe. Dib stared on in blatant confusion.

The "unveiling" was immediately interrupted by the buzz of an electric scooter. "What in the NAME OF DOOKIE –" Zim began.

"Hot PATOOTIE!" Tak cried. "It's HIM!"

"YYYAAAAHOOOO!" A green-haired boy in a maroon shirt rolled in on the scooter.

"Iggins!" Tak exclaimed. Zim grabbed her by the shoulder.

"Stay AWAY from him, TAK," he warned, narrowing his ruby eyes. "He threatens to DESTROY our peaceful life of HEDONISM!"

"You don't tell ME what to do, Zim!" She ripped away from him in favor of joining Iggins. Through tightly clenched teeth, Zim uttered, "Oh really?"

Everyone else gawked at the recent arrival, not quite sure what to make of him.

"C'mon, don't you guys DANCE anymore?" Iggins asked, stepping off his scooter as Tak rushed to lean on his shoulder. In response, the spotlight was redirected onto the rebel couple as they burst into song and dance. The rest of the crowd followed in their lead.

"So," Zim mused, "the traitor has returned to us…" He broke into the mob and the music came to a halt.

"You BETRAYED us!" Zim screeched, pointing an accusing finger at Iggins, who carefully backed away.

"I came back," he protested anxiously.

"You KNOW how we DO things." Zim backed Iggins toward a room with an open door. "You left…"

"No, Zim!" Tak shrieked.

"SILENCE!" Right before Zim and Iggins disappeared into the dark room, Dib saw Zim brandish a laser gun from his PAK. The door slammed shut.

"H-Hey, wait a minute – NOOOOooo…" Iggins' screams of agony caused Gaz's normally squinted eyes to widen in shock. A rivulet of blood streamed out from beneath the crack in the door, and Zim came out, his boots making squishing sounds from the crimson substance beneath them.

Dib went pale. "Did he just…"

"Iggins left us," Red explained. "You're not supposed to leave."

"He broke the rules," Purple added.

Zim brightened as if the unpleasant scenario never took place. "In just SEVEN DAYS, Gir! I will MAKE you a MAN!"

End of part six


	7. Bedtime

By animeninjaNIPPON

AN: I have officially raised the rating on this story. Although this chapter doesn't contain much of the controversial stuff, the next three chapters have lime (sort of) and the rest have violence and most likely death and stuff. Just giving you all the heads up.

* * *

Tak had run off to her room to mourn the death of her rogue lover, which got Gaz to thinking that she needed a place to crash as well.

"I'm tired," she yawned. "Where are your beds?"

"Right this WAY!" Zim sang with a sharp turn to the right and the indication for the humans to follow. They plodded along in surreal fatigue until they came to a door, which Zim opened.

"After you," he replied to Gaz in a sickeningly saccharine tone. She stepped in and froze, opening one eye. "There's only one bed in here," she growled.

"Then you two can SLEEP TOGETHER!"

"But she's my SISTER!" Dib cried.

"So? I won't tell…"

"NO!" Gaz stomped her foot, slightly cracking the tile floor. "I absolutely REFUSE to share a bed with my brother. Especially in THIS!" She gestured to her sexual attire.

Zim was startled a bit by the girl's brazenness, but he stood his ground. "We have just one room to spare. But if you INSIST, I shall bring in ANOTHER MATTRESS!"

"I still don't want him watching me sleep."

"Gaz, I'm not a pervert!" Dib sputtered, but he was just as averse to the sleeping arrangement as she was.

"Very well." Zim clapped his hands. "My Tallest servants! Come forth!"

Red and Purple obeyed at once. "Yes, Master Zim?"

"Fetch me some bedding to appease the desires of these two," Zim ordered.

Red squinted one eye. "What?"

"Bring the extra bed and some curtains."

"Oh."

They set out to complete the task. In a few minutes, they returned with an identical bed, a set of blue curtains, a set of magenta curtains, and a soft drink, which Zim deftly took.

"Set it up," he instructed in between sips of soda.

In addition to setting up the other bed on the opposite side of the vast room, they also installed bed curtains over each sleeping quarter.

"Is that all?" Purple asked.

"Yes. Take your leave."

Red and Purple went their separate ways, and Zim headed out the door after them, pausing briefly to coo "Good night, my little Earth-monkeys" and turn out the light.

As Dib and Gaz retreated to their respective beds, Zim's maniacal laughter echoed throughout the mansion.

End of part seven


	8. Gaz's Seduction

By animeninjaNIPPON

Gaz slept peacefully behind the magenta curtain in the dark room. As she snoozed, all her recollection of the real world she had come from seemed to evaporate through her dreams. Normally she could get away with ignoring life around her, by sublimating her attention span into her video games, but having lost her Game Slave 2 in the accident she no longer had an excuse for not paying attention. Now she was forced to take in her surroundings, and what she took in was the degenerate life of the Irken refugees.

A dark, shadowy figure crept slowly over her sleeping silhouette. She woke up in surprise. "Zim!"

"Hello, GAZ," he muttered. "What are you dreaming of?"

"What are you doing in my bed?" she demanded, holding up a silhouetted fist.

"Calm down…you wouldn't want your brother to see you like THIS, would you?" He grabbed her by each ankle and pulled her figure closer to his.

She squealed. "What are you doing?"

"I take it your brother doesn't give you the ATTENTION you deserve," Zim continued, leaning over Gaz. "Too wrapped up in his paranormal studies to notice that you're growing up, am I correct?"

"H-How did you know that?" She sat up.

Zim chuckled. "ZIM knows ALL!" He sat up straight. It wasn't clear through the gauzy pink curtain, but he appeared to be gazing into her eyes. "A growing human female…" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Does the Dib tell you what to do often?"

"Oh yes," she replied contemptuously. "He thinks he can tell me what to do."

"Well, tonight YOU get to make a decision." He leaned in closer to her. "Spend the night with me?"

Gaz paused to think about this. "He'd be so mad if he found out." There was a hint of evil relish in her voice.

"Shall we wake him?" Zim asked, completely unaware of his double entendre.

"No!" Gaz ordered. "He doesn't have to know everything."

"So, is that a YES?"

"As long as you don't tell him about this."

"Deal." His shaded image leaned in all the way to kiss hers, before merging into one shadow behind the magenta curtain.

End of part eight

* * *

Sorry that wasn't too graphic, but I don't like lemons that much. Besides, imagination is nastier than anything that can be shown… BTW, that was my first attempt at writing het. Enjoy.

- animeninjaNIPPON


	9. Dib's Seduction

By animeninjaNIPPON

Some two hours after that little endeavor, Dib stirred in his sleep. Unlike his sister, he had seen enough of the world at his tender age to know that most people were insane; and aliens were not to be trusted.

It was a nice bed, though. Normally, being this close to Zim would have made Dib set out to investigate, but the excitement of the hedonistic Irkens was beginning to impair his judgment. Besides, with Zim and Tak claiming not to know him, Dib didn't know what to believe anymore. And he was far too exhausted to fight, so he continued to doze behind the blue curtain.

A dark, shadowy figure crept slowly over his slumbering form, startling him into waking. "Zim!"

"Hello, DIB," he muttered. "Are you comfortable tonight?"

"What are you up to?" Dib half-yelled, scooting away from the opaque Irken silhouette. "Is this some sort of trick?"

"Calm down…you wouldn't want your sister to see you like THIS, would you?" Zim grabbed Dib by each ankle and pulled the human's figure closer to his.

Dib shrieked. "What the – "

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"What business is that of yours?"

"You don't seem to get noticed by many females," Zim observed, leaning over Dib. "Why, even your own SISTER is too busy with her VIDEO GAMES to notice how important you are, am I correct?"

"H-How did you know that?" Dib sat up and apparently forgot that Zim had known virtually everything about him before returning to Irk.

Zim chuckled. "ZIM knows ALL!" He sat up straight. "But seriously, I notice you." He leaned in closer to Dib and placed a shadowy hand on Dib's shoulder. "You're so strong…you must be in some kind of special training…"

"No, I just get into a lot of alien fights." Dib shrugged.

"Oh really… You must have many battle scars…"

"Uh, yeah; some."

The obscured Zim seemed to gaze into the eyes of Dib's shrouded figure. "You don't have to fight all the time." He leaned in closer and continued in a whisper, "Give an alien half the chance, and he can show you something AMAZING."

"Are you coming on to me?"

"Possibly. But it's up to you whether or not you accept me."

Dib thought for a moment. "OK. But don't tell my sister about this, or she'll think I'm even more of a freak."

"Oh, we're all freaks HERE…" Zim purred. "But tonight, you and I will be freaks TOGETHER!" He leaned in all the way to kiss Dib, and the two silhouettes assimilated in the darkness behind the blue curtain.

End of part nine


	10. Make Me DIRTY

By animeninjaNIPPON

AN: If you thought the LAST chapter was bizarre...well, this one's even weirder, I guarantee. Odd pairings, stuff implied, fluff...You were warned...I think... Enjoy.

* * *

Gaz rose from her bed at dawn, feeling somewhat guilty for what she did the night before. As she turned to leave the room, her attention was grabbed by the wreck of her brother's bed.

The blue curtain was peeled back slightly, revealing Zim and Dib cuddled together. The latter opened his eyes faintly. "Gaz?..."

By this time, though, she had already stormed halfway down the corridor. "That jerk!"

Meanwhile, Tak was monitoring Gir on a camera in her room as Purple played with her long, curly antennae. "Oh look," she cooed as Gaz came into view.

"What's SHE doing?" Purple asked.

"Let's watch and see." She patted his arm.

Gaz felt somewhat hurt and betrayed. She had shared Zim with her brother. "Curse you, Dib... CURSE YOU!"

"Oo, she's ANGRY!" Purple exclaimed in mock surprise. He and Tak continued to watch the debauched girl wander around in utter confusion.

She didn't really know where she was going, she just wanted to be away from the harsh realities that were catching up with her. But something - a vague, indistinct noise - caused her to look up. It was Gir, who looked as though he was crying.

"What's YOUR problem?" she asked, a little more bitterly than she had intended. Gir said nothing but instead held out his right arm, which contained a short-circuting wire that stuck out abnormally. "You want me to fix your arm, is that it?" He nodded slowly.

"Very well." She stomped over to his tank while searching for something to use as a bandage. She looked down at her feet. Her slip would suffice...

Gaz propped one foot against the tank and tore off a small section of her slip. "Hold out your arm," she instructed Gir. The little robot complied, and she tied the black section of fabric tightly around the loose wire. "There. Is that...better?" Gir's dreamy azure eyes locked onto her squinted amber ones with a look of mild affection. It was a look of innocence, but at the same time it was a look of submission. Here was one who would not seduce Gaz with words, but with the willingness to obey. Yet, somehow, it was Gaz who felt the need to submit to desire. She had nothing more to lose.

With a seductive grin, she tore her slip again, this time revealing one of her purple garters and the tiniest glimpse of her black panties. At that wanton gesture, Gir's eyes flickered briefly to red before resuming their cool blue hue.

"Is THAT better?" she asked. Gir nodded eagerly, and Gaz jumped into the tank with him to do Irk-knows-what.

"Look at that girl," Tak laughed evilly.

"Can you believe that?" Purple wound one of Tak's antennae around his finger, then unwound it gently.

"How pathetic."

"The Master won't be happy about this!"

End of part ten


	11. An Unpleasant Discovery

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Where are you, Gaz?" Dib called out to his sister. It was roughly 8am, and he had gotten dressed (in the only "clothes" provided for him) and stepped out of his room in search of his lost sibling.

He ventured out into the main room, where Zim was conversing with a middle-aged human in a wheelchair covered by a blanket. "Hey Zim, have you seen my sister anywhere?"

"What AM I, her KEEPER?" Zim snarled back.

The man in the wheelchair glanced up at Dib. "Agent Mothman, is that really you?"

"Agent Darkbootie?" Dib's eyes widened in horror. "What happened to you?"

"That boy Iggins ran over my feet with his scooter."

"You know Iggins?"

"He was an apprentice of mine, Mothman – "

"Call me Dib."

"Well, Dib, this boy became my…" Darkbootie turned his head abruptly at the sound of a child's yawn. Gaz rose from the tank, covered in a velvet sheet from the neck down. Not long after, Gir followed in the same manner.

"Gir!" Zim cried.

"Dib!" Gaz cried.

"Agent Darkbootie!" Dib cried.

"Gir!"

"Dib!"

"Agent Darkbootie!"

"Gir!"

"Dib!"

"Agent Darkbootie!"

The initial surprise went on like this for a couple more rounds until Zim shouted, "ENOUGH!"

A crowd gathered around the controversial scene, absolutely dumbstruck by the sight.

"I MADE you, GIR," Zim sneered, "and I can BREAK you just as easily." He leered daringly at Gaz. "We will CONTINUE this conversation at dinner tonight. Under the CIRCUMSTANCES, formal dress is OPTIONAL!"

With that, he stormed off. Gaz remained in the tank beside her silent metal partner, wrapped in a blanket of blue velvet. The rest of the crowd dispersed, leaving behind only Dib and Agent Darkbootie.

"OK…" Dib attempted to break the silence but got only silence in return. Eventually, he and Darkbootie turned to leave as well. Gaz and Gir merely stood there, not quite sure what was going on, and certainly not wanting to know.

End of part eleven


	12. Dinner

By animeninjaNIPPON

Everyone sat at the dinner table, but no one spoke. Zim served some odd kind of meat, but nobody ate it, especially not the Irkens. Gaz, dressed in the tattered remains of her undergarments, looked down at her plate as she chewed her vegetables. Dib was busy making a mountain of his peas, trying desperately to think of something other than the carnal love asylum around him.

Zim brandished a chainsaw to cut some more meat. "Why are you here, stinkbeast in the metal chair?" he asked Darkbootie.

"I'm here to find Iggins," he replied. Tak got up abruptly and ran to her room crying. "He was an apprentice of mine - "

"How come you never made ME your apprentice?" Dib whined.

"Because, as I was saying," Darkbootie continued, "he was a rather obnoxious child, but extremely clever." Tak's sobbing grew louder. "He had a great deal of knowledge that he picked up from playing Japanese imported video games that we felt we could use for discovering the paranormal.

"A while back, we discovered this alien brothel, and he went in to investigate, despite our protests. When he finally came back, his clothes were torn but he had a smile upon his face. He said he didn't need the Swollen Eyeball Network anymore, and he grew rebellious. He didn't even want his teddy bear!"

"What a guy," Dib cheered.

"Yeah, yeah, makes you cry, I know." Gaz shoveled a spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

Zim's eyes narrowed. "You think you can PLAY UP the nonexistent EMOTIONS of ZIM?" he fumed, throwing off the tablecloth to reveal the remains of Iggins' body.

Gaz threw up on her plate. Dib nearly fainted, and Red caught him as he swooned.

"What is the meaning of this?" Darkbootie yelled.

"I'm NOT responsible for the actions of this PATHETIC planet," Zim announced.

"You are for this," Dib murmured from Red's arms. "And by the way, ANGER is an emotion, Zim."

Tak began wailing again.

"SHUT UPPP!" Zim screamed, leaving the dining room in a huff.

End of part twelve


	13. Wise Up

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib, Gaz, and Agent Darkbootie followed Zim into the main room. "All right Zim, you've had your fun," Dib shouted. "You've taken away my dignity and you've ruined my vacation. Now let me and Gaz go already!"

"Never," Zim whispered seductively.

"What?" Dib asked.

"NEVER!" Zim repeated at a much higher volume.

"I don't have to take this!" Gaz yelled, turning on her heel and heading for the door. Zim stopped her just in time.

"You're not going out looking like THAT, are you?" he purred sarcastically, pointing at her shredded slip.

"You PIG!" she spat. "This is all YOUR fault!"

"Oh, WISE UP, GAZ!"

"Excuse me?"

"Wise up, Gaz."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"I said, WISE UP! It was YOU who decided to take the plunge INTO this life we lead, WAS IT NOT?"

She swung a fist at his face, but he caught it in his own gloved hand. His crimson eyes narrowed, and she tore away from him, running up a flight of stairs. Zim pursued her.

"Hey, leave my sister alone!" Dib commanded, running up the stairs after them.

When they got to the second floor, Tak approached Zim carefully. Before she could say anything, he snatched her by the wrist and dragged her over to where the humans stood.

"Let go of me, you JERK!" she snapped. He released her and walked over to a large gray circut box on the wall.

"You leave me no choice," he said, taking off the cover of the circut box to reveal a large switch. On top of the switch was the word "MEDUSAFY," and on the bottom "DE-MEDUSAFY." The switch was set in the down position.

Tak turned pale. "Please, I'm sorry about before! Don't do that - "

"SHUT UP, TAK!" Zim was furious. "Time to SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"

He put one gloved hand on the switch, but stopped short. Out of nowhere, Gir appeared, poised to defend the three beings behind him.

End of part fourteen


	14. Medusafied

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Gir! You DARE to betray your MASTER?" Zim fumed, staring down at the little robot. With a loud "HMPH!" he jerked the switch up to "MEDUSAFY," and Gir became a marble statue.

"Uh-oh…" Dib squeaked.

"'Uh-oh'? 'Uh-oh' you SAY?" Zim pulled down the switch and yanked it up again.

"NOOOOOooo…" Dib was frozen as a statue with his hands out and one foot behind him.

"You'll pay, Zim," Tak seethed before being turned to stone herself. She was stuck in a position with both fists by her sides and her eyes squinted into a glare.

Gaz looked at Zim straight on. "You're a weenie," she growled. She, too, received the marble treatment.

"Hehhehhehheh…" Zim laughed. "HahaHAHAHAHA!" He shot his fists heavenward. "VICTORY FOR ZIIIIM! YOU LOSE, PIG-SMELLIES!"

When he finished his self-exalting monologue, he kicked the wall away to reveal a Radio City-style stage, where he pulled a few boxes out from behind the backdrop and dragged them over to the medusafied quartet. He opened one box with relative ease, taking out a long yellow measuring tape. Gaz's cold, fixed gaze watched him as he measured her height, bust, waist, and hips with the measuring tape. "Box number THREE! Gir, bring me – " He stopped, remembering that he had also medusafied Gir. Zim groaned loudly and went over to Box Number Three himself, taking out an Invader outfit identical to his own.

Over the course of an hour, Zim measured and dressed all four statues, all the while humming "Doo-dee-doo-dee-DOO-DEE-DOOO!" over and over. When he finished, each statue was dressed in an Invader garment, complete with PAK. Zim himself donned a pink feather boa, just for fun.

"Now, time to DE-MEDUSAFY!" He pulled the switch down one final time, and everyone came back to life. "Now, SING for me my PRETTIES! AHAHAHAHA!" He swished his boa playfully.

End of part fourteen


	15. Don't Dream It, Be It

By animeninjaNIPPON

I know I said I wasn't going to do the songs, but I had to do something with this chapter. Songfic to "Fanfare/Don't Dream It, Be It" with some lyrics altered to fit the Zimness of the scenario. Yeah. I don't really do songfics...oh, and pardon the shameless plug, but Circus Freak 92- I AM GIR has an IZ parody of the Rocky Horror songs, so it all balances out on FFN...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own this song.

* * *

Dib opened his eyes first, followed by Gaz, then Tak, and lastly, Gir. Not one of them was aware of their surroundings (or attire), and they swept across the stage with the grace and naïveté of dolls.

Zim hopped up on stage, wrapping his boa around Tak's slender physique. He put his head on her shoulder and sang,

_"What ever happened to Invader Tenn?_

_That delicate satin-draped frame..."_

He slid his boa down the length of her body, following suit with his own and resting his knees just above the top of her boot.

_"As I clung to her thigh, how I started to cry_

_'Cuz I wanted to Invade just the same..."_

He bounded over to Gaz, who stood statuesquely and welcomed his touch.

_"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure..._

With a quick sweep of his hand across her collarbone, Zim pirouetted over to Dib.

_"BURN in the FIRES of sins of the flesh!"_

He placed both hands on Dib's shoulders and narrowed his ruby eyes seductively, gazing into the amber eyes of the degenerate human.

_"Erotic nightmares beyond any measure_

_And sensual daydreams to treasure forever..."_

Zim threw Dib forth into the arms of his sister, who landed backwards against Tak, who in turn fell into Gir's outstretched arms.

_"Can't you just see it. AHAHA!_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it..."_

The zombified "Invaders" chanted hypnotically:

_"Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it_

_Don't dream it, be it..."_

Somewhere off-stage, Agent Darkbootie caught on to the catchy tune:

_"GAH! We've got to get out of this trap_

_Before this decadence saps our wills _

_I've got to be strong and try to hang on_

_Or else my mind, may well snap_

_And my life would be lived for the thrills - "_

He kicked off his blanket uncontrollably, revealing that he, too, was dressed in Irken gear!

_"Don't dream it, be it," _Zim sang.

_"It's beyond me,"_ Dib sang. _"Help me, Daddy..."_

_"Irk bless Jhonen Vasquez," _Gaz concluded.

"Hold it right there, Zim."

Zim looked up, in a rather jaded state, in the direction the command had come from. All of a sudden, Dib, Gaz, Tak, and Gir snapped out of their trances.

"We have something to tell you," Purple said.

End of part fifteen


	16. Going Home

By animeninjaNIPPON

"What is it, my Tallest servants?" Zim inquired.

"Why Zim," Purple replied, "We're going home."

"Going...home?" Zim could not remember the last time he had seen his precious planet Irk. "You hear that, TAK?" He turned to the purple-eyed alien.

"Wait a minute," Red cut in. "When we said 'we,' we didn't imply that YOU would be going back to Irk."

"Huh?" Zim's eyes widened.

"Oh, come on." Red narrowed his eyes. "Don't you think we've been acting a little out-of-character with all this 'serving you' nonsense?"

"I...I don't understand..." Zim took a few steps backward.

"It's quite simple," Purple explained. "This was all part of our plan to be rid of you once and for all. Your phony mission to invade Earth didn't get you to leave us alone. We even tried to do you in by sending you to Hobo 13. But then, we came up with this."

Red slowly pulled a laser gun out from behind his back. "And now...we have to kill you."

Tak jumped in front of Zim and sneered in his face, "HA! You've ruined my life for the LAST time, Zim!"

"Tak! You were in on this, too?" Zim cried.

She laughed maniacally and bitterly. "The Tallest sought my help in this scheme, and I was glad to assist them! And now I'll have my revenge on you!"

"Uh, we don't like you, either." Purple pulled out a laser gun of his own. Before Tak could utter another word, Purple shot her through her PAK. With one bloodcurdling, agonizing scream, she fell to the ground, dead.

"GAAH!" Zim knew he was next, so he dropped his boa and released his spider legs. He scrambled up the nearby light fixture, but Red's aim was sharper - with one shot into the PAK, Zim fell from the fixture six feet into an on-stage swimming pool, sizzling out of existence forever.

Gir watched as his Master fell, quite literally, from grace. His little silver hands started trembling. "M-M-Master?"

Dib and Gaz, as well as Red and Purple, turned to look at the newly articulate robot.

"Master?" Gir squeaked sadly. His eyes began to flicker violent shades of red. "NOOOOOOO!"

The little SIR unit turned feral. Angrily, he tore away a pillar and threw it into the light fixture. It short-circuited briefly before the whole stage came crashing down.

"AAAAH!" Dib and Gaz screamed, ducking out of the way just in time.

"NOOO!" Gir screamed one last time before being lost amongst the rapidly falling debris.

End of part sixteen


	17. Double Feature

By animeninjaNIPPON

The two humans, defamed and deflowered, looked straight into the eyes of the aliens in front of them. Finally, Purple spoke up.

"You two should leave this place. Forget about what you saw here."

"This is no place for Earth offspring to be," Red warned. "Get out of here, or you'll be destroyed along with this place."

With those parting words, the Tallest turned and disappeared into a luminous doorway.

Dib sighed. His past was a hazy blur. He could remember nothing before the night he came to the mansion, and very little before his medusafication. He tried to take a step forward, but collapsed to his knees. Unable to get up again, he crawled through the debris, through the ever-growing mist that was consuming the universe around him.

"Gaz," he gasped. "What's happening?"

"The dream..." She crawled amongst the remains of the mansion as well, with one gloved hand reaching out to grab a reality that no longer existed. "The dream...is over."

"Agent...Mothman..." Darkbootie also slithered through the mist. "We've failed. I'm sorry."

"Oh...no..." Dib breathed. With no rhyme or reason, the three humans crept through their limbo, so close to each other, but unable to reach or see one another, almost as if they moved within three separate universes.

The mist grew denser, and the apparitions of the destroyed trio grew smaller and smaller, until their torment filled a single screen on a dark room.

A large stick was directed towards the center of the screen. "And that," concluded Professor Membrane, "is what would happen if aliens existed. Any questions?"

One hand rose. "Can I go to the bathroom now?"

Membrane sighed. "Yes, you may. And that concludes my PowerPoint presentation on the dangers of superstitions in the world of science."

As the meeting came to an end, Membrane turned off the projector and computer. "My son should have stayed to see this. My poor, insane son..."

End of part seventeen

End of story

* * *

Short chapter, I know. Inconclusive, I know - did they really go through all that, or not...? I'll let you decide. Thanks for reading! Now, some bonus material: 

Corresponding Roles

Dib: _Brad Majors_

Gaz: _Janet Weiss_

Red: _Riff-Raff_

Purple: _Magenta_

Tak: _Columbia_ (with some Magenta roles)

Zim: _Dr. Frank-N-Furter_

Iggins: _Eddie_

Agent Darkbootie: _Dr. Everett v. Scott_

Gir: _Rocky Horror_

Narrator: _animeninjaNIPPON_


End file.
